Sunday, January 15, 2012

Temper, Temper. Temper

I struggle with raising my voice too often...also know as yelling at my children.  I have prayed for years for God to help me with it, and I have only showed slight improvement.  I would like to blame my parents who taught me this but in 2 years I'll be 40 years, I have spent almost as much time away from my parents than with them so it's time to own up and take full responsibility.

I have a couple of friends who are so inspirational in this area.  One of my friends never raises her voice....she is calm as a cucumber and her kids are the most obedient kids I know.  My other friend, rarely raises her voice and her kids are also extremely well behaved.  My conclusion is raising my voice is really an ineffective way to get my kids to listen to me.  I feel terrible guilt after I yell.  It is really is a loosing situation.

I have found that I usually erupt, when I am overwhelmed with a messy house or feel like I am things are out of control and chaotic.  I've also noticed if I have a schedule and something interferes with the way I imagine things are going to be that I really start to unravel.... Soooooo I'm trying to come up with practical steps to help me before I get to Mt. St. Helen status.....
1.  Start everyday praying with my kids, ask for patients for myself and obedient hearts for my kids!
2.  Set a time 2 times a day and have my kids pick up their toys, before lunch and before bed.
3.  Make my kids obey the first time I ask them to do something and do not ignore disobedience
                  A.  Ethan looses wii time and tv time
                  B.  Hannah is sent to her room for 5 minutes
                  C.  Noah put him in his crib for 2 minutes
4.  Encourage my children to confront me when they see I'm starting to loose it.   Ethan has really been a huge encouragement to me by congratulating me when I keep it together in stressful situations.  Which gives me hope that I can change....
5.  When things aren't going the way I want them, to lay down my desires and accept God's will with a cheerful heart.  Things don't have to be my way...I can be flexible....

I think this list will probably grow as I try to figure out what situation are triggering my weakness.


  1. This morning our preacher summed up what you're describing by saying, "Negative motivation is not a good motivator".

  2. I too can be too reactive to my kids. I knew it but not how bad until my husband said something... whew. Then I knew I really needed to get a handle on it. I have similar triggers with a messy house and craziness - that is for sure the first step.

    I read something a few years ago that has really helped me - the difference between teaching and training. Teaching implies teach it = gets it = done. So when I have to go over it again, I can tend to think "We already covered this!!!" But training is more of a long haul concept. Since then, I have been reminding myself that my kids are in TRAINING - this helps my patience with them as I remember that this is a long term thing - even for 'simple' things like finding the shoes that are right at their feet (GRR!!!)

    Thanks for your blog with the CC ideas! I am a director in WA - I like your thoughts!

  3. A book that really helped me calm down was Love and Logic by Jim Fay. I realized I would most often lose my temper because I didn't know what else to do to get them to understand whatever happened was not OK. Love and Logic taught me how to have a plan. When a situation arises and I already have a plan to deal with it, I don't need to get angry. My kids now know when they do something wrong and I smile, that's very bad bad news for them!

  4. Thank you all for your great advice, I'm going to get the book Love and Logic and add it to my book list. And try to keep in mind that I am in training :)